I’ve played my fair share of puzzle games, where my ego would inflate every time my sister asked for help. I’ve done my part for society with years of brain training in some form. My patience is tested daily with my three dogs that make me wonder if having kids would have been easier. Thinking I could take on the world with my very limited knowledge of horror games, flags, and random trivia, I wiped the dust off my DS and decided to challenge myself to a game of Nintendo’sBig Brain Academy(2006).
I’d just completedLuto, helped my sister play throughDead Take, and came off the back ofPost TraumaandKARMA: The Dark World. I was feeling pretty good about my puzzle-solving abilities. See, the thing about Big Brain Academy is there’s no way to cheat the test. I had no one to blame for my score but myself. The only indication I had on how I could possibly do was seeing my sister’s score from who knows when, which read C+. I thought, “Brilliant, here’s something I can add to my list of things I’m better than her at” (I’m not that competitive, I swear). Oh, how wrong I was.
I played this DS game years ago, and it’s a memory I’ve long forgotten about. Sadly, I don’t have any previous grades to use as a comparison, but I doubt I was a child prodigy. After seeing my sister’s grade from a time she too had repressed (likely from shame), I went in so confident that I ignored the practice mode. Instead, I registered as a new student and immediately went in for the kill.
How I have a career at all, I’m not sure. Having the most pitiful graph in existence, my results show that I’m only capable of remembering information that I just saw. Thankfully, these grades aren’t needed for resumes. I got the Michelangelo award, and I’m not sure who should be more offended: him or me.
Left with only embarrassment and the threat to bring Dr. Lobe to my personal battlefield hanging in the balance (noscoping on Rust), I thought, “Surely this isn’t the best I can do?” Was every survival horror game a lie, a mere illusion of my intelligence? Were beatingLorelei and the Laser Eyes,Meridian 157, orBlue Princesimply flukes? All those years in random mansions solving sliding puzzles, figuring out how to open a safe for the world’s smallest key, backtracking in hidden object games, or fixing generators in “abandoned” facilities have been washed away by the hard-hitting Dr. Lobe.
So, I decided to lock in, now knowing what I was in for.Big Brain Academyclearly doesn’t mess around. My kryptonite was the find pairs game. I’d kill it finding one or two pairs, but the moment the third was introduced, my brain would combust. I accidentally went into a Think game without looking at the instructions, feeling like that odd one out inMario Partythat has no clue what they’re doing with their joy-con. But games like these really show us that practice makes perfect.
Perhaps an S rank was achievable, but is it even worth it? My goal was merely to see what results I’d get now as an adult, on a forgotten game that must have been churning out young geniuses back in 2006. I think I’ll stick to where I belong, with titles such asResident Evil,Dark Souls, orApex Legends, where I’m not judged so harshly by a squiggly that’s still wearing his graduation hat.
It’s fun to revisit games I forgot even existed, to attempt to remember a time in my life when things were far simpler, happier even. Games likeBig Brain Academygive you a reason to keep playing, like to achieve that higher grade, and know you’ve accomplished a personal goal. you may find that fulfilment in whatever you decide to do with your time. Be it catching the biggest fish inAnimal Crossing, reaching Masters inApex, climbing to the top ofPEAK, or defeating Malenia inElden Ring. Play games for you, not for the benefit of others. Never compare and always learn.
WhatI’velearnt is that I will definitely be flunking again, for my ego is far too bruised. I doubt I’ll get a call or letter anytime soon about my attendance.
